If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Someone came in the potted fern
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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