my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm too high and old for this...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
