i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
