I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
