yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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