I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
