My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
