i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
