Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
