Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize