And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
