Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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