the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
