i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
