I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
