if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
