she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
