Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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