dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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