she woke up with a sticky ear
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
