What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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