Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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