Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
