I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
