a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
