You made me cry and you don't even care
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
