If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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