Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
