LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
