Your face is a jimmy john
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
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