I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I just want nice things and good sex
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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