he wants to bone in the snuggie
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
