okay pat passed out under dana's car
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You ruined the universe
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
