just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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