how can u be prego again
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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