lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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