I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
