Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I've blown a few things in my day
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
