I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
