Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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