Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
