I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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