Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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