Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
