p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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