Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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