I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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