your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
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I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
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The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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