kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
