A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
