There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
