i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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