He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Drunk is not a location!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
