She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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