My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I need to stop coming to work sober
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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