I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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