Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Michael Bay diarrhea
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
