I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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