he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
