I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
