It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
