Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
