so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
