So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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