So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
This baby is an asshole
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
