M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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