The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
