I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
