i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
