I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize