someone get that fucking seahorse.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
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