I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
