You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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