this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
we're making bets on your personal life
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
