Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
