we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
