3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
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im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
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i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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