They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
im holly from the hills drunk
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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