I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
