guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
