Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
