**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
