Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
