That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
