ya dads aren't the best wingmen
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Randomize
