There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
