i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
