a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
