just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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