Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
