Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize