If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
