Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
