The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
bring money and cleavage
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
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